I was never very good at multitasking. I was capable of putting off cleaning the garage while thinking about how I wasnt going to do the dishes, but it took a lot of effort and I found it was more efficient to just avoid one thing at a time. Now I can barely even single task. I usually watch TV with the sound off because looking and listening at the same time can lead to my accidentally following the plot, which is technically a third thing, and then if I happen to sip a diet soda a the same time, thats four things and circuits blow. I wake up on the carpet two days later with no idea what I did with the sofa cushions.
You probably think Im exaggerating, but this weekend I attempted to watch a movie while walking on the treadmill, and I just couldnt do it. I watched The Saints Double Trouble (1940), starring George Sanders as Simon Templar, from beginning to end and Ior rather, my brainwas totally defeated. My brain was overtaxed trying to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other.
To begin with, George Sanders
plays both Simon Templar (The Saint) and Boss Duke Bates, a
In retrospect, I wonder if it would have been more confusing or less confusing if George Sanders has used different accents for Boss Duke and the Saint. I wonder if George Sanders thought he was using different accents. If so, he may have set the gold standard for bad American accents. It is almost the American accent equivalent of Dick Van Dykes cockney accent in Mary Poppins, a bad accent that may someday be equaled but can never be surpassed.
The plot involves smuggling diamonds into the country in an Egyptian mummy. Although later in the movie somebody hides the diamonds in the heel of his shoe, and I cant help thinking that probably would have worked just as well for smuggling them into the country, as well as being cheaper and not involving mummies.
A couple of murders take place early on, which Boss Duke tries to pin on The Saint by leaving a card on the bodies saying, more or less, I killed this guy. (signed) The Saint. So the cops are all looking for The Saint. Its a pretty good plan, unless of course you look exactly like The Saint. Then, I would imagine, its a pretty terrible plan, since the cops might mistake you for The Saint and arrest you.
Fortunately that doesnt happen, though.
Oh wait, it kind of does.
So when Boss Duke is in jail for murder, The Saint visits him dressed as a woman and then I had to go to the bathroom, but I was only gone for a couple of minutes and when I got back Boss Duke was leaving the police station dressed as a woman and The Saint was no wait, The Saint was um well, one of them gets killed, and then the other one well, theres these diamonds Well, there are actually TWO bags of diamonds. I forgot that. But its okay, because it doesnt matter.
Another thing I was confused aboutbesides, you know, everythingis, just what does The Saint do? The movie is kind of structured like a detective movie, but he doesnt have any clients, and he doesnt make any money. The police seem to be after him even before the murders, but I have no idea why, and as far as I could tell, neither do they. I also couldnt figure out why he was called The Saint rather than The Delivery Boy or The Cocker spaniel or The Roll of Duct Tape in the Kitchen Drawer.
So clearly, Im going to have to fire up the treadmill and watch this movie again. And this time Im not taking any chances. Im turning the sound off.