GHOUL POOL 2009

 

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THE CURRENT STANDINGS

Names in bold face are on multiple lists. For easy reference, the entrant numbers of those lists will be found after the name (in parenthesis, and in a purple font).

Names of the * cough * deceased will appear in a bold red font.

 

Contact: j_grim_shaw_55@yahoo.com

Ghoul Pool 2008 Final Standings

Ghoul Pool 2007 Final Standings

This week’s column

 

 

 

Entrant 1

Amy winehouse 2014

10.5 POINTS

 

1. Michael Jackson (1, 5) 10.5

2. Elizabeth Taylor (1, 8, 12, 17, 18)

3. Scott Weiland

4. Cloris Leachman (1, 8)

5. Abe Vigoda

6. Gary Coleman

7. Chris Leben (an “Ultimate Fighter”)

8. Dick Cheney (1, 19)

9. Bernie Madoff

10. Britney Spears (1, 19)

 

River Phoenix Memorial Category:

Mary-Kate Olsen

 

 

 

Entrant 2

JUDGE CRATER

53.5 POINTS

 

1. Composer Elliott Carter Jr. -- won Pulitizer for music in 1833.

2. Lena Horne -- pipes can't hold out forever.

3. Susan Atkins—Manson moll has had it with prison (2, 5) 10.5 points

4. Somali President Abdullahi Yusuf Ahmed -- either really sick or not.

5. Mary Travers—she’s leavin’, but not on a jet plane. 21 points

6. Nelson Mandela

7. Colm Feore -- actor gets casting call from God

8. Mayor of Munchkinville Meinhardt Raab

9. David Rockefeller -- 86 Rock

10. Eluana EglaroItaly’s answer to Terry Schivo 21 points

 

River Phoenix Memorial:

Kirsten Dunst.

 

 

Entrant 3

MRS. ESTES KEFAUVER

63 POINTS

 

1. Steve Jobs—system failure

2. Robert Novak—being in bed with Cheney rubbed off on his karma (3, 5) 10.5 points

3. Mitch Miller - Wilted Rose of Texas (3, 16)

4. Corazon Aquino—it’s her colon, not her corazon 21 points

5. Sherwood Schwartz - No longer "Here on Gilligan's Isle"

6. Ted Kennedy—“Carry on, Caroline” (3, 10, 18) 7 points

7. Eli Wallach - starred in "A Lovely Way to Die"

8. Patrick Swayze—he survived the worst movie of the 80’s, “Red Dawn,” but he can’t shake the cancer (3, 5, 12, 13, 17, 19) 3.5 points

9. Andrew Wyeth - Bye bye Helga

10. Willard Wirtz - Sec. of Labor 1962-69 (3, 16)

 

River Phoenix Memorial:

Li’l Wayne

 

 

Entrant 4

you Can’t Eat Bojangles!

42 POINTS

 

1. bulbous-nosed karl malden. 21 points

2. old lady from titanic gloria stuart (4, 13)

3. senile former isreali prime minister yitzhak shamir

4. nixon’s 4th attorney general william b. saxbe

5. olivia’s evil sister joan fontaine

6. michael bloomberg’s mom charlotte bloomberg

7. subject of maria shriver’s book ‘what’s happening to grandpa?’ sargent shriver

8. over-emoting oscar winner jennifer jones. 21 points

9. mediocre author beverly cleary

10. geriatric hurler bob feller

 

River Phoenix Memorial:

ryan’s drug-addled son redmond o'neal

 

 

Entrant 5

THE ROASTER

35 POINTS

 

1. Susan Atkins (Farewell, Manson sidekick, bye bye now) (2, 5) 10.5 points

2. George Steinbrenner (The Boss goes to the final playoff) (5, 18)

3. Patrick Swayze (now somebody can finally put baby in a corner) (3, 5, 12, 13, 17, 19) 3.5 points

4. Michael Jackson (fatal facial cave-in) (1, 5) 10.5 points

5. Bob Novak (a generation of ultra conservatives falls one by one) (2, 5) 10.5 points

6. Jeff Conaway (please oh please)

7. Mickey Rooney (most memorable for that horrifying spectacle in Breakfast at Tiffany’s) (5, 17)

8. Oscar Niemeyer (architect, did not invent a wiener) (5, 13)

9. Severiano Ballestros (on the final green of life) (5, 16)

10. John Demjanjuk (finally, it’s his turn at the death camp)

 

River Phoenix Memorial: 

Amy Winehouse (didn’t go to rehab, no, no, no) (5, 12)

 

 

Entrant 6

the usher of the crypt”

84 POINTS

 

First, some of Nixon’s secretaries—nuff said:

 

1. James D. Hodgson (Labor)

2.  Walter Joseph Hickel (Interior).

3.  Clifford Morris Hardin (Agriculture).

 

Some Favorities from Last Year:

 

4.  Ace Parker, NFL Hall-of-Famer.

5.  Billy Werber, Babe Ruth’s teammate. 21 points

6.  Olivia de Havilland, maybe she’ll be gone with the wind this year.

7.  Art Linkletter, plans to attend his last “House Party” in ’09.

 

And a Couple New Names:

 

8.  Richard Todd (the actor, not the footballer), only star of “The Longest Day” who also participated in the real-life event. 21 points

9.  Hon. William H. Avery, Governor of Kansas who cold bloodedly sanctioned the “offings” of Perry Smith and Richard Hickock. Capote is still grateful. 21 points

10.  Sen. Clifford Hansen.  Older than the hills of Wyoming, but not yet 103. 21 points

 

River Phoenix Memorial Award:

Jack Osbourne (I’m stickin’ with you, kid)

 

 

Entrant 7

Malice aforethought

 

1. Boy George—because

2. Peter Graves - just because he really ought to

3. Roman Polanski - does he think he will finally get all those  virgins in the hereafter? And does he think he will be able to re-enter the USA as a 'spirit?'

4. Dan Gottlieb - no more "Voices"

5. Dr. Robert Jarvik - that'll teach him not to copy someone else's invention and claim it for his own!

6. the Rev.Al Sharpton-croak SOON - real soon, please

7. Ed Koch - still gonna ask St. Pete:"How my do'n?"

8. Bill Parcells - the BIG TUNA gets harpooned

9. Bill Cosby - he still needs to

10.O.J.Simpson - Yes, he REALLY needs to croak

 

River Phoenix Memorial Award

rapper Carl Dobson, aka Crazy Titch

 

 

Entrant 8

My Brother’s Reaper

 

1. Jon Bauman-aka"Bowzer"-ShaNaNa no more

2. Monte Hall- chose the wrong door for sure

3. The DONALD- protruding lips, 'hot comb' and/or wig got out-trumped

4. Dr. Joyce Brother- used up her $64K

5. Dame Judi Dench- her time 'went by'

6. Liz Taylor- death, not diamonds, is forever (1, 8, 12, 17, 18)

7. Jean Harris- her time is now to reunite w/ the diet doctor

8. Pernell Roberts - good cowboy who always wore black

9. Cloris Leachman- since Mary ain't going yet, may as well be this broad (1, 8)

10.Don Rickles------need I say more (8, 21)

 

River Phoenix Memorial Award:

Frank Agnello- son of Victoria Gotti

 

 

Entrant 9

Jim Hely

 

1. Doris Lessing

2. PD James

3. Nadine Gordimer

4. Lawrence Ferlinghetti

5. Russell Baker

6. Helen Thomas

7. Berry Gordy

8. Gore Vidal

9. Yogi Berra

10. Merle Haggard

 

RIVER PHOENIX MEMORIAL AWARD

waived

 

 

 

Entrant 10

Juggernauto 2009

7 points

 

1. John Paul Stevens… finally the last isiotic decision is on its way.

2. Barbara  Hale. Perry needs me Be Patient

3. Toni Morrison. PleasePleasePlease

4. Robert Byrd. Still can't believe he choked on a PORK BONE  (10, 21)

5. Everett Koop. Latex Poisoning ??? (10, 14)

6. Daniel Schorr. It's a conspiracy; I Think..!!!

7. Maya Angelou. I Know Why The Fat Lady Sings

8.Louis Farrakhan: It's Been Fun

9.Ted Kennedy: Good Bye Gas Bag (3, 10, 18) 7 points

10.Billy Graham....Yes Jesus Loves Me

 

River Phoenix Memorial Award:

David Banda. I should have stayed home, chasing lions!!!!!

 

 

Entrant 11

The Mominator

21 points

 

1.  Hugh Hefner:  A whole new meaning of "stiff" for this bunny-lovin' pablum sucker ... (11, 12)

2.  Sen Ted Stevens:  Defeated, disgraced and DEAD in '09.

3.  Jesse Jackson:  His clout in doubt, the extortionist cashes out.  Amen.

4.  June Havoc:  Wrecked!

5.  Pat Robertson:  The Majority of Falwelll ... STILL waiting ...

6.  Larry King:  "Live" (NOT)

7.  John Madden:  The most annoying voice in pro sportscasting.

8.  Patricia Marie (a/k/a Patty) Andrews:  boogie-woogies to re-unit with sisters Laverne & Maxine for that big trio in the sky.

9.  Barbara Bush:  Should've "raised ducks" instead of schmucks. (11, 21)

10.  John J. O'Connor, III:  Driven to dimentia by his wife Sandy's complicity in W's theft of the White House? 21 points

 

River Phoenix Memorial Award:

Kim Kardashian:  couldn't keep up.

 

Entrant 12

R.L. Basse

3.5 points

 

1. Hugh Hefner (11, 12)

2. Barack Obama (Insensitive, but hey…)

3. James Lipton (Inside the Actors Studio)

4. Queen Elizabeth (of England)

5. Patrick Swayze (3, 5, 12, 13, 17, 19) 3.5 points

6. Kirk Douglas (12, 17)

7. Dick Clark (12, 15)

8. Clint Eastwood

9. Elizabeth Taylor (1, 8, 12, 17, 18)

10. Gary Busey

 

River Phoenix Memorial Award:

Amy Winehouse (“…has developed emphysema due to smoking cigarettes and crack cocaine…” (5, 12)

 

Entrant 13

The Fellowship of Fatality

14 points

 

1. Gloria Stuart (4, 13)

2. Albert Rosellini (13, 18)

3. John Wooden (13, 16)

4. Zsa Zsa Gabor (13, 19)

5. Oscar Niemeyer (5, 13)

6. Claude Levi-Strauss (13, 15) 10.5 points

7. Miep Gies

8. Jacques Barzun

9. Betty Ford

10. Patrick Swayze (3, 5, 12, 13, 17, 19) 3.5 points

 

RIVER PHOENIX MEMORIAL AWARD:

Pete Doherty

 

 

Entrant 14

Borg9

21 POINTS

 

1.  I. M. Pei

2.  C. Everett Koop (10, 14)

3.  Eunice Shriver (21 points)

4.  Richard Attenborough

5.  Mike Wallace

6.  Andy Rooney

7.  Hutton Gibson

8.  Robert Morganthau

9.  John Astin

10. Morgana King

 

River Phoenix Memorial Award:

Blake Fielder Civil

 

Entrant 15

Die Todesmacher

31.5 POINTS

 

1. Ray Bradbury

2. Jayne Meadows

3. Artie Lange

4. Claude Levi Strauss (13, 15) 10.5 points

5. Dick Clark (12, 15)

6. Joe Esterhasz

7. Maureen O’Hara

8. Les Paul (21 points)

9. Rose Marie

10. Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.

 

RIVER PHOENIX MEMORIAL AWARD:

Jodie Sweetin

 

 

 

Entrant 16

Jeeper Creeper

63 Points

 

1. John Wooden (a ‘woody’ can’t last forever, can it?) (13, 16)

2. Seve Ballesteros (Accepting an invite to join the "Eternal Tour") (5, 16)

3. Myles Brand (A  "Final Four" of a different kind) 21 points

4. Bob Sheppard (God needs a P.A. announcer)

5. Tommy Henrich ("Old Reliable" comes through again) 21 points

6. Herman Wouk (Has written his own obituary...800 pages long)

7. Jack Lalanne (Crunch this, pal)

8. Dom DiMaggio (Goin' to find where Joe has gone) (21 points)

9. W. Willard Wirtz (Come, put your "Labor" down) (3, 16)

10. Mitch Miller (Sing Along with the Jeeper) (3, 16)

 

River Phoenix Memorial Award:

Adam "Pacman" Jones  (Rich, careless and stoopid)

 

 

Entrant 17

Hates Gumbi

3.5 points

 

1. Gabriel Garcia Marquez

2. Peggy Fleming

3. Fidel Castro

4. Henry Kissinger (17, 18)

5. Elizabeth Taylor (1, 8, 12, 17, 18)

6. Bob Barker

7. Patrick Swayze (3, 5, 12, 13, 17, 19) 3.5 points

8. Mickey Rooney (5, 17)

9. Doris Day

10. Kirk Douglas (12, 17)

 

River phoenix Memorial Award:

Justin Timberlake

 

 

 

 

Entrant 18

Morgue Mistress

7 points

 

1. Peter Falk

2. Teddy Kennedy (3, 10, 18) 7 points

3. George Steinbrenner (5, 18)

4. Joe Paterno

5. Nancy Reagan

6. Woody Allen

7. Henry Kissinger (17, 18)

8. Albert Rossellini (oldest living former governor) (13, 18)

9. Jimmy Carter

10. Elizabeth Taylor (1, 8, 12, 17, 18)

 

River Phoenix Memorial Award:

Amy Winehouse (5, 10, 11, 17, 18)

 

 

 

Entrant 19

ShockNAwe

87.5 points

 

1. Ryan O’Neal

2. Zsa Zsa Gabor (13, 19)

3.Dick Cheney (1, 19)

4. Annette Funicello

5. Patrick Swayze (3, 5, 12, 13, 17, 19) 3.5 points

6. Abigail Van Buren

7. Farrah Fawcett.  21 points

8. Oral Roberts. 21 points

9. Soupy Sales.  21 points

10. Paul Harvey.  21 points

 

 RIVER PHOENIX MEMORIAL AWARD:

Brittany Spears (1, 19)

 

 

Entrant 20

CARDINAL FANG

 

1. Deanna Durbin

2. Ernest Borgnine

3. Essie Mae Washington-Williams (Daughter of Strom Thurmond—world’s oldest Love Child)

4. Louise Rainer

5. Harold Bloom

6. Tony Curtis

7. Fred Pohl

8. B.K.S. Iyengar

9. Walter Mondale

10. Jack Chick

 

River Phoneix Memorial Award:

Avril Lavigne

 

Entrant 21

Patrick Swayze will outlive us all

 

1. Peter O'Toole

2. John Glenn

3. Robert Byrd (10, 31)

4. Les Stroud

5. J.D. Salinger

6. Margaret Thatcher

7. James Watson

8. Don Rickles (8, 21)

9. Michael J. Fox

10. Barbara Bush (11, 21)

 

River Phoneix Memorial Award:

Trig Palin (I am fully aware that if there is a hell, I will burn there for all eternity)

 

 

THE CURRENT STANDINGS

 

FIRST PLACE: 87.5 points

SHOCKnAWE (entrant 19)

 

SECOND PLACE: 84 points

THE USHER OF THE CRYPT (entrant 6)

 

THIRD PLACE: 63 points

MRS. ESTES KEFAUVER (entrant 3)

and

JEEPER CREEPER (entrant 16)